Things You Should Know About INFJs

It might be terribly self-centered to devote an entire post to my Myers-Briggs personality type, but I’m going to do it anyway (think of it as a birthday present to myself). As the rarest personality type, we INFJs often feel misunderstood and alone. Most estimates say that less than 1-2% of the population have this type. That’s one reason discovering our label is so important to us (as I’ve written about before). It lets us know that we are not abnormal, flawed humans. We’re perfectly normal INFJs. This isn’t going to be the first list of it’s type. There’s a Top 10 Things Every INFJ Wants You To Know list and one titled How to love your INFJ? This last one is written mostly for romantic relationships, but it’s funny and true so I linked to it anyway. Though these two lists, and others like them, are excellent, I still wanted to add my voice to the mix. Which brings us to the first point:

Always daydreaming
image found on Pinterest
  • INFJ spend a lot of time thinking, and we like to share our thoughts. The problem is, we have a hard time putting them into words when we’re speaking, which can make us appear inarticulate or even unintelligent. That’s why so many of us become writers — it gives us the time we need to put our thoughts in order before we present them to other people. When we do talk with and listen to others, we crave depth and sincerity rather than small talk.
  • In keeping with all the time we spend inside our own minds, you’ll sometimes notice us staring off into space. There’s nothing wrong with me when I do this and there is certainly no need to wave your hand in front of my face, shout at, or poke me (you know who you are).
  • We really do need people. While some introverts can thrive in solitude for quite some time, INFJs love being around people. They might terrify us sometimes, and we do need alone time to recharge, but life without people makes us depressed. This doesn’t mean you’re likely to find us at parties, however. We prefer a few close friendships. And when we find those friendships, we want them to last forever and tend to work hard at being a good friend.
  • The flip side of this relationship thing is that it’s hard for us to make these deep friendships because we’re reluctant to share our true selves with others. It’s taken years for me to share bits of my inner world with my closest friends. In addition, INFJs have a horror of conflict, and will avoid it as long as possible even when something needs to be addressed in a relationship.
  • C.S. Lewis made for another world
    image found on Pinterest

    We’re often feel like we belong in other worlds. For me, this fits quite well into my Christian faith and my fantasy writing. For other INFJs, it can mean feeling disconnected from the physical to such an extent that they’ll forget to eat (something I’ve never struggled with).

  • INFJs tend to be romantic idealists. We do dream of finding true love, but I mean this in the sense given in the fourth Oxford English Dictionary definition. We are fascinated by what might be, what could be, and what should be. We want to bring order and peace to the world.

    4. Characterized or marked by, or invested with, a sense of romance (romance n. 5a); arising from, suggestive of, or appealing to, an idealized, fantastic, or sentimental view of life or reality …

  • INFJs are known in personality circles for being deeply intuitive. We just seem to know things without being able to explain them. This frustrates our more logical friends, but we find it very useful. It helps us see situations and arguments from both sides and appreciate different people’s perspectives even when we don’t agree with them. In spite of a strong sense of right and wrong and strict adherence to an inner value system, INFJs are very open minded and want to see the best in people.

 

Click here to check out my e-book, The INFJ Handbook, for more  information and insight into the INFJ personality type
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58 thoughts on “Things You Should Know About INFJs

  • 100% ME!!!.. lol i even wished it was longer coz it was so INTERESTING!. if you would write a Novel “A life of an INFJ” I’d definitely buy it.:) Thank you.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks — I’m so glad you enjoyed it. I do have an e-book coming out in June about INFJs, which includes real-life stories from 5 INFJ contributes. I’ll announce it on the blog when the book’s available 🙂

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  • As a fellow INFJ individual, reading your post somehow aligned my sanity today. I know all of this fits right in but there are times you just really needed to hear it from someone else. You must truly understand when I say no amount of explanation or support or listening skills can correct “our” nuisance of unbelongingness (not a proper word) or more like an “exile feeling”. I hope more than understanding, there’s some sort of relief to this kind of “world”

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    • I’m so glad you stopped by 🙂 I think it is easier knowing other people are going through the same thing, but it doesn’t really get “easy.” There’s still the struggle of not feeling truly understood, and of feeling disconnected from the rest of the world. I’m starting to wonder if part of this feeling is coming from me, though. Am I too hesitant to let people in, and that’s one reason I don’t feel understood? But then I think about some of the people I did try to let in who hurt me, and retreating into my INFJ turtle shells sounds like the best idea. I suppose it’s just a constant struggle for our type. At least we’re all here to help and encourage each other!

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      • you took the exact words right out of my heart! It really does help knowing that I’m not alone on this struggle. Though i feel so defeated everytime I try to defy the feeling and go out there to give people chances but right after i go back to the shell, i just want to curl up and die. (no suicidal intentions) The only relief we can take refuge from is from the Almighty whom we can fully unleash ourselves, no holds barred. Thank you Marissa!

        Liked by 1 person

  • I realize that this was posted several years ago, but I couldn’t help but comment. This is such a well-balanced post. Probably the first one I’ve seen that clearly, and accurately describes the INFJ personality. I am an INFJ myself, and I could relate to all of this. Especially the part where you said when we try to talk out loud we sometimes (most of the time in my case) sound unintelligent. But when I write, the flow of words never seems to stop. Thanks for this!

    Liked by 1 person

  • Hi. I’ve only just found out that there is such a thing as INFJ and that could be me. All this time I thought I was just a bit weird. It really helps to hear what other people have gone through. Thanks for writing this!

    Liked by 1 person

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