There’s potential for meaningful friendship between two people of any personality type, but it seems to come easier for some. As an INFJ, there are some personality types that I connect with more easily than others (as mentioned in a previous post about ENTPs). Today, I want to talk about ENFJs.
I’m blessed to have four ENFJs in my life. My brother (who is also one of my best friends) is an ENFJ, as is another close guy friend, a girl I’ve known for several years, and a girl who is friends with my brother. I think it’s rather amazing, since ENFJs are almost as rare as INFJs — about 2-5 percent of the population, as opposed to 1-3 percent (and male INFJs and ENFJs are much rarer than their female counterparts).
Understanding Each Other
I love spending time with ENFJs. By virtue of being extroverts they’re a bit easier to meet than other INFJs, but there’s still that instant connection that comes with feeling really understood and accepted. INFJs crave understanding and connection, and since we’re usually the listeners it’s nice to meet someone who you feel actually wants to listen to you.
In Myers-Briggs circles, we say this type of connection is a result of shared learning and decision-making processes. INFJs lead with Introverted Intuition, which is supported by Extroverted Feeling, and ENFJs lead with Extroverted Feeling supported by Introverted Intuition. We “get” each other because we see the world in extremely similar ways.
One of my favorite things about spending time with ENFJs is I never feel like we’re stuck on shallow conversation topics — they’ll dive just as deep into a subject as you want. Also, I love the fact that ENFJs actually voice the kind of random questions that pop into my head and throw them out for discussion. I suspect the ENFJs are also happy to find a conversation partner who’s willing and eager to talk about things like the origin of the universe, whether you’d rather fight a horse-sized chicken or a dozen chicken-size horses, and relationship compatibility with Disney villains.
Sometimes introverts, like INFJs, complain about feeling worn-out by their extroverted friends. We may love the fact that they help draw us out and will do the talking in situations where we don’t know anyone, but they don’t always understand our need for alone time or desire to leave the party early. This is not true of the ENFJs I know.
In general, ENFJs are friendly, gregarious and popular, but they also need down-time. They are one of the most “introverted extroverts” (along with ENTJs), and I usually find that by the time I’m ready to withdraw from a crowd, my ENFJ friend is as well. One-on-one conversations (or in small groups of 3 or 4 friends) are where I shine, and ENFJs are comfortable here as well.
ENFJs might wish their INFJ friends were a little more outgoing, but I never feel like they’re pressuring me to go past my people-limit. They want me to be the best version of myself that I can be, not to turn me into something else. Sometimes their drive toward perfection (of themselves and others) annoys and frustrates me, but I usually have to admit their advice is right (note: this is particularly hard to deal with when coming from your teenage brother).